Jurassic Park

By David Dunatov

Narrator:  Ah, yes, the 1993 movie that excited us.  BUT, what happends when you put      Final Fantasy 7 in the action?  Well?  Come on, ANSWER!!!  That’s it, if you give the silent treatment, I’ll DO THE SAME!!!!! ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Author:  Just do your job!

Narrator: …………..ok, you get a comic type of movie that will bring you out of your seats, on the floor, drooling as every minute comes by in magic splendor!!!  OR, just a crappy story made by David!

David: HEY, MY STORIES AREN’T CRAPPY!!!

Narrator:  Yup!

David:  THAT’S IT! * bling *

Author:  YOU MADE HIM DISAPPEAR, HOW?????

David:  You want to find out?

Author: ……………..

David:  Good, on with the show!

(Flying over to an island with a research center)

Cid:  Yup, never saw this place before.

Cloud:  They say its an amusement park with dinosaurs and cool stuff that eat people!

Yuffie:  Like cool, whatever totally, GWAD!!!!

Red:  WOOF!!!

Barret:  Not as good AS my Kibbles and Bits!!!

Everyone: ……………………..

Barret:  At least you could $%#*^ try it for once.

Red:  WOOF?

Barret:  Not you, you friggin mongrel!!!!!

Red:  LWOOFL

Tifa:  Why are they not answering back when we radio them though?

Cloud:  Don’t know, Cid, Land on one of the helicopter pads.

Cid:  ARE YOU $%^%#^(%$ NUTS, YOU THINK THIS HUNK OF METAL CAN FIT ON A (&^^^#^# JUNK LAND PAD!!!!

Cloud:  Just do it!

Cid:  -= mutter mutter =-

Cloud:  What was that?

Cid:  -= MUTTER %&%$$ MUTTER =-

Cloud: ..ok

(So they land on the abandoned island seeing many rare sights and the broken down lab)

Cloud:  Wow, I see a broken down lab!

(Precisely)

Aeris:  Do you think they have chocobos?!?!?

Cid: HA HA, if they did they are probably DEAD ON THE FLOOR GUSHING BLOOD!!! HAHAHA

Aeris:  Don’t be mean, they could probably survive, they are pretty smart!

Cid:  AS SMART AS THE ^&&^ UP ONE WHO STARVED TO DEATH WHEN YOU THOUGH HE WAS  “PUTTING ON SOME WEIGHT” HAHAHAHA!!!!!

Aeris:  L HEY, he was fat and he needed a diet, plus, it was your turn to feed him…

Cid:  Wha, nope, not my %#@%& turn, it was Barret’s!

Barret:  Yup, my turn…

Tifa:  So what did you feed him?

Barret:  Uh, well, Kibbles….

Everyone: … and BITS!!!!!!

Aeris:  You know that it kill them within 3 hours!!!!!!  THEY EXPLODE BARRET!!!!

Cloud:  That’s why I found chocobo shit all over my buggy the next day!

Aeris: L WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Narrater:  Oh god, on with the story please, I’ll buy you a new chocobo!!!

Aeris: J YAY J

Cloud: oh please….

(They head into the lab unaware of the many dead dinosaurs around them, don’t ask me how!)

Cloud:  Wow, it seems pretty safe in here.

Vincent:  ………………………..

Cloud:  Don’t worry Vincent, nothing is wrong!

Vincent: ………………………….!!!!!!

Cloud:  I don’t see hundreds of dinosaur carcasses that are laying less than 3 feet away from us…

Vincent: L

(So they head on to a not so “happy” room)

Cloud:  Where is the light switch, I can’t see a thing …

Tifa:  I think I felt it, wow, a big light switch!!

Unidentified Object:  RAAAAAAR!!!!

Cloud:  Red, I told you to eat something before we left on the island!!!

Red:  WOOF! That wasn’t me Cloud, WOOF!

Cloud:  If that wasn’t you then what was tha…..

Tifa:  FOUND THE REAL LIGHT SWITCH!!!

-= CLICK =-

Vincent: ……………………!!!!!!!

Cloud:  What Vincent, OH MY !!!!!

T-REX:  RAAAAAR RAAAR RAAAAR

Cloud:  Look Mr.T…..

Mr.T:  Who you callin Mr.T FOO!  He’s not black and he don’t got the “chains”

Cloud:  Oh, I mean Rexy..

Mr.T:  That’s better FOO!

Cloud:  Look Rexy, you are much bigger than the FF8 Rex and you are looking pretty hungry, that’s why, uh, you can eat BARRET!

Barret: WHAT THE &$$#$#%$!!!!!!!!!!

Cloud:  He’s Black and good with butter and jam!!!

Barret:  YOU WHITE SKINNY BASTERD!!!!!!

Cloud:  Uh, BYE -= scurry scurry =-

T-REX:  RAAAR -= hack hack =- Sorry, had something stuck in my throat.

Everyone (and I mean everyone): !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T-REX:  What, you never saw a talking dinosaur before?

Everyone: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T-REX:  Come on, have you ever played sega before, the little tyrannosaurus says sega real fast, like sega, no faster, sega!!!

Barret:  uh, so you won’t, uh, eat us…

T-REX:  OH, heavens no, im not a fan of black meat, I LOVE white meat!

All the white characters:  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T-REX:  PORK, NOT YOU, P-O-R-K!!!

All the white characters:  -=Phew=-

Cait:  Hi guys, I just dropped off here to bring beer…

(He puts down the two 6-packs)

Cait:  …and I also saw Cloud run by, wow, he can run fast!!!

Barret:  And he white too… (Drum beats [bum bum ting])

Cait:  Cool T-rex doll, I had one that big when I was small, wow, they don’t make them like they use to!!!

T-REX:  But, excuse me, I’m not a doll…

Cait:  Cool, you also taught him how to talk….

T-REX:  no, wait…

Cait:  Can I poke at him -=poke poke=-

T-REX:  RAAAAAAR, IM REAL YOU DIMWITTED CAT!!!

Cait:  ttttttttttttttt tee rrrrrr ex uh, ah, duh, fuu, muuuh, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

T-REX:  WAIT A SEC, CAT=YUMMY.  CAT, COME BACK! I WANT TO EAT YOU!!!!!

(then Cait goes running off with an amazingly intelligent T-REX which could never exist since they all died out!)

Barret:  Wow, what a turn of events!  Im glad I got my kibbles and bits left over!!!!           -=munch munch=-

Everyone except Vincent since he can’t talk the way the others do:  PASS SOME O DAT SHIT!!!

Now Vincent: ……………………………!!!!!

THE END!!!