A day in FF7

By David Dunatov

Narrator:  A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, there lived            a civilization that thrived.  This civilization was……………  ZANZIBAR LAND!!!!!!!  But a couple miles from that was the world of FF7!

                (opening screen shows midgahak  -=cough=-, ok, opening screen shows midgar and a young figure training among the mountains).

Cloud:  Im a trainin, yup, im a trainin.

Beast:  No you aren’t, your just showing off for the audience, now stop jumpin around and let me kill you.  I got a dinner date at 4:00pm and she’s a preety warlock! (*wink wink*)

Cloud:  Ok, hold on till my guage fills up so I could attack you……………………………………………………………………………………………OK! HIIIIYA!!!!!

Beast:  OUCHY! (flashes red for a second and mysteriously disappears)

Cloud:  Now time to settle in with the gang.

                          (At Tifa’s Bar)

Cloud:  Yo guys im back!

Barret:  Hey foo!

Cait Sith:  Yo Cloud!

Tifa:  Hey Cloud!  (*Wink Wink*)

Red XIII:  WOOF, I mean, yo!

Yuffie:  HI HI!

Aeris: Hey Cloud!

Cid:  Hey $%$%*&R!

Vincent:  …………………

Sephiroth:  Yeah, yeah, hi, can I kill you yet?

Cloud:  Hey, I thought I killed you!

Sephiroth:  Well I received help from the visiting nurse service of New York and I feeeeel GREEAAAT!

Cloud:  o…k, well anyway!  Guys, you want to do something tonight?

Tifa:  Sure, you want to have mad and dirty sex?

Everyone:……………….

Tifa:  Well, it was just a thought!

Aeris:  Shut up poopy head.

Tifa:  What, too innocent to call me a bitch?

Aeris: Shut up!

Tifa: Baby, baby, baby, baby!

Aeris:  SHUT UP YOU!!!!!!

Tifa:  (Runs into the bedroom, cries, then, takes out a picture of cloud and gasps at it)

Everyone:…………………………………

Cloud:  Why don’t we just order something tonight?

                                                    (Later)

Narrator:  After the 20 bears, 4 bags o chips, 2 packs o cigarettes, and a tissue, the gang is sleepin like a baby, except, you know who!  Well, no you don’t so I have to tell you. TIFA!!)

Tifa:  I’ll do anything to have cloud to myself,  KILL AERIS!!!!!!!

          ( She sneaks near Aeris, which is laying on Clouds lap and put C4 on her then runs off and falls asleep from the music of the neighborhood bum!)

                                                (Morning)

(Everyone wakes up not even noticing the bulky C4 on Aeris’s back.  Tifa waits for the right time to blow the bomb!)

Aeris:  -=yawn=-  Time to go to the potty!

Tifa:  Time to blow (presses trigger)

                                  (………………………………..)

Narrator:  Wow!  That was close, thank god Tifa accidentally wired the C4 to Clouds Buggy instead of Aeris…………..oops)

                                (…………..BOOOOOOOOOM)

Barret:  What in the hell?

Cid:  What the #%^^$%@$#%@?

Red XIII:  WOOF, I mean, Wha?

Vincent:…………………………

Cloud:  That’s right Vincent!  Did you see what happened?

Vincent:………………………

Cloud: and…..

Vincent:……………..

Cloud:  Are you sure that’s all?

Vincent: …………………….!!!

Cloud:  Sooory!  You don’t need to get grumpy.

Cloud:  Tifa, why did you blow up my buggy in an attempt to kill Aeris?

Tifa:  Would you still want to have mad and dirty sex?

Everyone:………………………………

Cloud:  O…K, lets just play a board game!

(Everyone runs to the scrabble set while Tifa daydreams of her mad and dirty sex with Cloud)

Sephiroth:  Can I kill someone here!  PLEASE!  (Sephiroth runs home to Jenova crying      while Jenova wipes his tears away with her tentacles)

Sephiroth:  OUCH!  Mommy, watch it!

Jenova: Sorry Baby

                                                       (Back at the bar)

Tifa:  Sorry Aeris for all that I did to kill you.  I just wanted to have mad and dirty sex with Cloud.

Everyone:…………………..

Aeris:  Well…uh…its ok Tifa…but….

Tifa: But what?

Aeris:  I already had mad and dirty sex with Cloud.

Tifa:…………………!!!!!!!!!

Everyone:……………………….!!!!!!!!!!

Narrator:……………..!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cloud:  Yup, oh yeah, she fine!

END!